Chapter 106
I kept hearing ‘little girl little girl little girl.’ I would awaken from sleep and write poetry about little girl; I was your little girl I did not understand how you could look down at me from behind your tight closed hand. Little girl little girl little girl. Something stirs deep within me, little girl little girl little girl. And then one day I was going to do the laundry and I walked into the bathroom to get the towel off the rack and as I reached forward suddenly it was like a movie screen opened inside my head and I could see myself sitting on the back steps of the house I used to live in. It was warm and everything was alive and green. Then I saw her; little girl me. Seven year old me. She was standing in the grass about twenty feet away and then Mama was there and she began beating her and she beat her down to the ground. And I wanted to run to her and hold her and for the first time in my life I didn’t hate her for being this weak little crying thing. I wanted to hold her and love her but I couldn’t get up because I was scared. Then I saw a large hand reach down and take her little hand and a voice said, “little girl get up.”
And then suddenly she was standing beside me I turned to the right and I saw a cross and at the bottom of it was a grave marker with the words, ‘sweet sixteen’ on it and I saw myself lying there. Big girl me, lying there, dead. And I could see all the horrible things they had done to her and filled with shame I cried out, “don’t look God! Please dont look. That’s where they killed me, that’s where I died.”And I heard “do not be afraid only believe, she is not dead but sleeping. Little girl get up.”
And then she stood beside me and the shame that had bound her was gone.
And the woman that is me looked up, searching for the source of those words but all I saw was an empty cross and then instantly little girl me, big girl me and the woman that is me, we all became one. Just like that! There was a big swooshing inward sound and we were made one. Simply because He spoke, and I, with my shoulders back and my head lifted up, I looked up and I was lifted so high, up where nothing and nobody can snatch me from His hands.
And the movie in my mind came to an end. But just like with all movies the credits rolled and I read the words that appeared across the screen; ‘Jesus Christ heals the whole man! Even on the Sabbath!’ And then the movie screen in my head faded to black.
I went to my knees and cried until I couldn’t cry no more. I knew then that Jesus Christ was enough, is enough and always will be enough. Even on the Sabbath! (the wanda translation for that is that we don’t have to hop, skip, trip or do back flips to get anything from God. Everything we need is in Jesus! )
Holy Bible Book of Mark chapter 5 verses 22-24, 35-41
22Then a leader of the local synagogue, whose name was Jairus, arrived. When he saw Jesus, he fell at his feet, 23pleading fervently with him. “My little daughter is dying,” he said. “Please come and lay your hands on her; heal her so she can live.” 24Jesus went with him, and all the people followed, crowding around him. 35…messengers arrived from the home of Jairus, the leader of the synagogue. They told him, “Your daughter is dead. There’s no use troubling the Teacher now.” 36 But Jesus overheard them and said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid. Only believe. 37 Then Jesus stopped the crowd and wouldn’t let anyone go with him except Peter, James, and John (the brother of James). 38 When they came to the home of the synagogue leader, Jesus saw much commotion and weeping and wailing. 39He went inside and asked, “Why all this commotion and weeping? The child isn’t dead; she’s only asleep.” 40The crowd laughed at him. But he made them all leave, and he took the girl’s father and mother and his three disciples into the room where the girl was lying. 41Holding her hand, he said to her, “Talitha koum,” which means, “Little girl, get up!”
Dear Reader,
Who are you? What names have they called you? Stupid Ugly Worthless Good for Nothing? Have you felt like ‘Waste of Human Flesh’ was your last name? That is not what God says about you. In the Bible verses above they said she was dead. But God had the last word. Only God has the true definition of you and the only way to find out what that is, the only way to walk in it, is by bowing down to Jesus and giving Him your life. He is the only way to God, there is no other. He loves you so much that He died for you to live. The things I have written about my life with God took place within three years of following Him. It is about a journey. It is all about The Way. Ask Him to come sit in your heart and enter into the greatest love relationship of your life. He is beautiful beyond measure and I absolutely adore Him. May you be blessed and walk with Him all the days of your life.
love,
the little girl me who got up
