Chapter 21
It turns out that our little house ain’t nothing like The Little House on the Prairie because on that show even though they ain’t got much money, they’re always so happy all the time and huggin’ and lovin’ on each other. It ain’t like that here.
Mama ain’t makin’ as much money as she thought she would make as a waitress. She says that people don’t tip that much, not as much as they should anyways. Some don’t leave a tip at all, they just leave with a smile, she says, as if that’s gonna pay our bills and put food on the table.
Bein’ around Mama when life ain’t bein’ fair is scary. She can be smilin’ one minute, cryin’ her eyeballs out the next, and then be screamin’ her head plumb off just a few minutes later. I feel like I’m always just about to throw up. I wish so bad that I was big enough to get a job.
Mama’s always sayin’ that she wishes she wasn’t even alive. That scares me so bad I can’t sleep good. Sometimes when she’s lookin’ at me I can look inside her eyes and see her wishin’ I had never been born. Her life would have been better that way.
Mama’s sisters don’t talk to her much and it hurts her feelin’s real bad. They call to talk to Bigmama but they never ask to speak to Mama and she gets so mad at ‘em. I still never told her what I heard Aint Nadine say and I never will.
She cries about her sisters all the time. She says they don’t give a you know what about her. She says she’s the black sheep of her family and it’s all because they think they’re better than her because they have a husband and a pretty house and Mama don’t.
Mama gets mad at Bigmama too and they argue sometimes. Mama says livin’ in Bigmama’s house ain’t such a good idea because she’s always tellin’ Mama what’s best to do. Mama says that ‘til they all start havin’ to walk around in her shoes then they ain’t got no right judgin’ her.
Aint Ruby is the only sister out of the five of ‘em that Mama is really close to. I guess it’s because they work together everyday and she ain’t got no husband neither.
Mama never dated that Joe man again. Aint Ruby broke up with Biggggg Red, too. She has a new boyfriend named Willie. Mama says he will probably end up bein’ our new uncle because Aint Ruby is crazy happy all the time now. I went to spend the night with her one night and we danced all around the livin’ room and laughed like crazy. Then she taught me how to put on her makeup. Blue eyeshadow is most definitely me.
