Chapter 11
Me and Phil walked up the road to go visit Jason. When everybody was busy fixin’ ‘em a hotdog at the kitchen table we sneaked him out the front door and took off runnin’ down the road so fast my sides was achin’.
Mama was in the kitchen so we took him in the bedroom and hid him in the closet. We was gonna come back and feed him when we could and then we was gonna help him sneak out when he had to go to the bathroom. We figured we would take him out and play with him when Mama wasn’t at home.
The phone rang in the livin’ room and I heard Mama pick it up. It wasn’t long before she was yellin’ for me and Phil to come in there, so we told Jason to be quiet and then we shut the door, leavin’ him hidin’ behind the clothes.
That was your Aint Dolores on the phone, Mama said, her eyes lookin’ from one to the other one of us. She said they can’t find Jason anywhere.
Really, I said, tryin’ my all fired best to look surprised by makin’ my eyes all big and round lookin’. They didn’t lose him did they? I asked, with my best surprised soundin’ voice.
Don’t play games with me Wanda, she said back, eyeballin’ me with that warnin’ sound in her voice. Where’s your brother?
As usual, I started cryin’, so she turned her attention to Phil but he wouldn’t say one word, he just glared right back at her. I love Phil because he’s way braver than me.
Mama got up outta her chair and walked into the bedroom. We was right behind her when she bent down at each bed, lookin’ underneath and then she got back up and was lookin’ all around the room. Come on out Jason, she yelled, hands on her hips.
I held my breath and waited but nothing moved or made a sound.
Come out now and I won’t tear your a– up before I send you back up the road, she called out louder than before.
The closet door squeaked as it slowly opened up. Jason stood inside with tears fallin’ out from behind his glasses.
Come out now! Mama screamed and Jason stepped forward, lookin’ up at Mama. She had some strange happy lookin’ smile on her face when she looked down at him and said, now take your little a– right back up the road because you don’t live here anymore! And Jason crumbled up like a piece of messed up paper, right in front of our eyes.
Phil was already cryin’ out loud by then and Jason said please Mama please don’t make me go, but she folded her arms across her chest and lookin’ right smack down at him, she screamed into his face, GO!
He walked out of the bedroom and out the front door. He looked back one time and I could see hurt smeared all over his little boy face.
Something must be really bad wrong with us. Jason tried to escape one other time but Wes came chasin’ him outta the house with a belt. I don’t understand why other people are allowed to hurt us.
Sometimes I hurt so bad on the inside that all I can do is cry so I go sit on the back steps and talk to my invisible friend. I can’t wait for everything to be okay. I hope my friend ain’t lyin’ to me.
Mama lies to us sometimes. She tells us that she’s gonna give us away and then she dresses up like she’s somebody else and goes out the back door and comes around to knock on the front, yellin’ that she is a stranger who has come to take us away. We all scream and cry so hard and she laughs and laughs.
I don’t understand why that’s so funny. Do you think God is laughin’ when Mama laughs or cryin’ when we cry? I always cry when my brothers cry because I love ‘em so much.
It felt like Jason was gone forever. Me and Phil was so happy when Mama finally said he could come back home. When your Mama gives your brother away it sorta feels like somebody sneaked in and stole one of your bones out of your body and you can’t move the way you’re supposed to no more.
I feel nervous all the time now. When I hold my hands up to my face I can see ‘em shakin’ like crazy. They won’t stop even when I tell my brain to make ‘em quit it. I worry about Mama gettin’ rid of me all the time now and it makes my tummy hurt so bad.
