Chapter 1
Something stirs deep within me;
scratching clawing striving to breathe.
Now set free, blind eyes can see
that all along it was
little girl me
I’m not who I was meant to be. I was actually supposed to be named Rhonda since my daddy’s name is Ronnie but Mama said after she had me the nurse came in and asked her what she wanted to name me and since I had already been near killin’ her for goin’ on thirty something hours all she could remember was that it sounded something like Wanda. The nurse asked her if she wanted to go with that name and she said yeah and rolled over and went straight to sleep.
So, here I am now, Wanda who’s supposed to be Rhonda. It’s fine by me though. Even if I had a name that reminded him that we’re supposed to belong together, I never see my daddy no ways so I don’t really care. Who wants to be named after some stranger? Not me, no-sir-ree!
I have two brothers named Jason and Phillip but I don’t know who they was named after. Jason’s older than me and Phil’s younger than both of us.
Jason has a different daddy than me and Phil, but he don’t never see his daddy neither. Sometimes though, when he’s talkin’ about him, his eyes look all sad like a puppy dog.
One time I asked him if he was gonna cry for his daddy and he got real mad at me. He started walkin’ around, standin’ up straight like he’d grown six feet and he was talkin’ real big, sayin’ stuff like, I don’t need no daddy, I don’t want no man around here tellin’ me what to do. Then he just up and ran off around the house, through the bushes. I didn’t dare go after him cause I hate bushes. Bugs live there you know.
Anyways, I do sometimes wish that I had me a daddy. Not my daddy, though. I don’t sit around the house daydreamin’ about my daddy the way Jason does. For one thing, it’s kinda hard to imagine somebody I don’t even know. I think about havin’ me one of those daddys on the television. You know, the kind that comes home from work all smiley faced as he stoops down to kiss Mama on the cheek. Then he would laugh as I jump into his arms and kiss him all over his face. He would hug me tight, rub my hair and then, and this is the very best part of all; he would call me his little princess.
This girl Rebecca who came to my birthday party, and she’s in my class at school, well she has this real pretty bicycle that her daddy gave her. There’s even a giant sized basket on the front for her baby doll! I look at Rebecca all the time. She wears real pretty clothes and her hair is so shiny and smooth, all tied up in a bow that’s almost the size of her head. I bet you her daddy calls her princess cause she looks just like one. (she smells like one too!)
Yesterday when Mama was yankin’ a brush through the knots in my hair I told her that I would like to have me a bicycle just like Rebecca’s but she said, “well guess what little missy? People in hell want ice water but that don’t mean they’re gonna get any!” My Mama has a lot of sayin’s like that.
I’ve decided I’m gonna be extra nice to Rebecca so maybe she’ll let me have a ride on hers then when Christmas comes back next time I’m gonna ask Santa Claus to bring me one of my very own. My Aint Lyn has a bag full of bows that she saved from Christmas last time so tomorrow I’m gonna stick one on the back of my head to make myself look pretty.
